I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
