I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
