"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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