You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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