Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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