y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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