You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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