he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
