I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
