i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
