i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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