my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
