You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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