do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
