The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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