Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
