I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
