I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
