i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
