I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
