Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
