I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
