clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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