ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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