At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I have already put on my inside pants.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
