I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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