I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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