im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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