I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
