Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
