Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This is my gift to your gina
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize