I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
