Please, let me fuck your mom
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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