After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize