And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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