I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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