the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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