Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
