I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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