i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Randomize
