You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
