I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
