Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize