Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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