this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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