Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
where are you?
Hypothermia
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
