From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
