Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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