Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
