In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize