so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i dont even know how to be here
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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