john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
