I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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