I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
