yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
