Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
