After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
