what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
