yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
