The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she pinky promised me she was 18
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
