3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
