Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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