I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
