trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she told me i tasted like america
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
