The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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