she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
