At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize