In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
