Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize