Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
